I know you all missed me, and now I am back after a week long hiatus so that I could delve further into the annals of sports to make sure I covered all the necessary sports to find the best nicknames of all-time. So now I will continue with my list at number 10.
10. David "Skywalker" Thompson:
If you can name one addition to the game of basketball that has revolutionized its popularity that was more exciting or important than the dunk, I would like you to write the column for me instead and I will resign. Lets face it, the dunk has been one of the more important additions to the game of basketball. Watching footage from the days of Cousy and Heinsohn are nostalgic and all, but it isn't as exciting as watching someone dunk.
Well, you can all thank David Thompson for its impact and introduction to basketball. In the early 70s college basketball was just beginning to shrug off the hangover that was the four corner offense which was about as exciting as watching a full round of the John Deere Classic. But then came along David Thompson who changed the game from a game of strategy and stalemate, to a game of explosiveness and fast paced offense. He is notoriously known as the inventor of the dunk, and as the first man who truly played the game above the rim.
Dominique Wilkins could dunk, but David Thompson beat him to the punch and really electrified the crowd with his high-wire antics. Not only that, but he is one of the best 10 college basketball players of all time. He had a purported 48 inch vertical leap. What better man to be nicknamed Skywalker than a man who was once taken out of a basketball game for dunking in the era when that sort of move was outlawed. He pioneered the art form of dunking before anyone else was even imagining doing it. Thats why he is at number 10.
9. Dave "Cementhead" Semenko:
Many of you are sitting there wondering "who the #$%^ is Dave Semenko?" Well to be honest I never had ever heard of him before using my unlimited amount of free time and access to obscure television like hockey on ESPN Classic. I watched the old oilers with Wayne Gretzky, and listened to Don Cherry continuously mention some dude named "cementhead" in concurrence with Gretzky.
It turns out Dave Semenko was one of the meanest and toughest players in the history of hockey, and was also Wayne Gretzky's personal bodyguard in the days when Gretzky was in desperate need of one. He played in over 500 NHL games and finished with less than 200 total points, but did manage to accrue 1175 penalty minutes being the enforcer of the greatest team in hockey history. He didn't have to score, his job was simple and easy. If someone touches Wayne Gretzky...hit him so hard he doesn't want to do it again. If someone threatens Wayne Gretzky...deliver a bone-crunching hit that left the guy dazed.
Whether he was a dummy, simple minded, or just a one trick pony, it is clear that this nickname is terrific for a man who had no purpose in the history of hockey other than to act as a bodyguard for the greatest hockey player in history and the ambassador to the game. Where would hockey and Wayne Gretzky without "Cementhead".
8. Muhammad "The Louisville Lip" Ali:
This one is a hotly-contested choice among my readership...my fan(s)...myself. His other nickname is "The Greatest" and frankly while it might be true, it just isn't clever enough to make a stingy list like mine. But "The Louisville Lip" is a great nickname.
First and foremost the alliteration always earns bonus points, and so does the aptness of the nicknames. Cassius Clay hailed from Louisville, Kentucky and his boxing career was as much about how much trash he talked as how good of a boxer he was. The real question people should ask is would Muhammad Ali be as popular and polarizing if he didn't run his mouth as much? My answer is no. Every athlete who has ever been outspoken for any reason has gained notoriety in his sport and the national news.
Ali was the forebearer of that trend. He was outspoken about his opponents, and how he would embarass them. He was outspoken in every single one of his interviews with Howard Cosell, which made for great TV, and most importantly he was outspoken about his responsibility to the United States Army and his drafting into the Vietnam War.
He earns number 8 not because he was a great boxer, but because he was the most entertaining sports figure of his time, and one of the most important pioneers in his generation. Did I mention his lip was always moving?
7. Rich "El Guapo" Garces:
This is my personal favorite nickname, but unfortunately I need to show some deference to the people who actually earned their nicknames, rather than just developed a catchy moniker that has endeared him to his hometown fans.
Growing up a Red Sox fan in the mid 90s I will shamefully admit that I knew very little about the intricacies of the actual team. All I knew was that Mo Vaughn was good, my dad loved John Valentin so I did also, and Rich Garces was the greatest man to ever grace the baseball field.....seriously. "El Guapo" could do no wrong in the eyes of Red Sox fans during his hey day.
For those of you that live in caves, or just aren't cultured enough to know even a little spanish, "El Guapo" means the Handsome One. What makes the nickname so good is that it is incredibly ironic, yet endearing all at once. It should be noted that Garces came up with this nickname on his own, or through his childhood, I can't remember and am too lazy to look it up. He was far from handsome however. He was about 275 pounds in his heyday with a very thin porno mustache, yet every time he jogged.....ambled......shuffled out of the bullpen, Fenway Park would go ballistic because he was without a doubt every Red Sox's fans favorite reliever during his tenure (keep in mind this isnt a difficult thing to accomplish when your bullpen consisted of Heathcliff Slocumb, and Rick Aguilera).
But just in case you needed any more reason to love this guy, he was pretty damn good. He goes down as the only man in baseball history who I have ever wanted to just hug with all my might as much as I wanted to see him in a close game with the outcome still hanging in the balance. From 1998-2001, his ERA never rose above 4, and in the Red Sox bullpen, that was phenomenal.
